One of the biggest things I struggle with personally is one of the biggest things I preach…I tell my kids daily, “Be your biggest investment, make “YOU” time, put yourself first each morning and each night”. Making the time to put you first each morning and each night is vital to mental and physical health as well as personal and professional goals. However, as a wife, mom, and business owner putting myself first is a massive challenge that I never seem to be able to accomplish.
What Putting You First Really Means
The ability to put yourself first might sound unbelievably selfish, it does to me! However, when I really sit back and evaluate my life, my daily routine, and how I truly feel about myself,,, I feel that if I could put myself first on a daily basis, I could be more productive.
I am 49, mom of four amazing kids and 2 German Shepherds. Most days I believe I merely the ring leader of pure chaos! My day begins at 5:30 in the kitchen; however, if my insomnia has anything to do with it, I have been awake since anytime between 2am and 5am. We currently have two high school athletes, one professional athlete and a future law student who is currently living at home for a gap year long term subbing at the boys high school. I begin my day cooking a full breakfast – bacon, eggs, toast and making yogurt parfaits with Greek yogurt and fresh fruit, coffee or hot tea and preparing a full lunch of chicken, rice, veggies and snacks. I have been starting my days this way for the last 22 years and by 7am I usually feel like I am ready for a nap, but push on with getting my work day started. Meal prep and dinners are prepared early during baseball season so we continue to eat healthy at the field. During baseball season which for us is February through early November, I make it to bed between 11pm and midnight. I absolutely love what I do and having the opportunity to do what I do. Being a mom and raising our four kids is my priority and my favorite thing in the world to be able to do.
So, If I love it so much, why do I feel the need to put myself first?
I believe, as a person, there is an internal need to take care of myself and that is what I never feel like I have time for. I did start reading again a few years ago, well, listening to audio books and reading. I do this for a few minutes each night before I fall asleep. I like to refer to this time as my wind down/decompress time. If I have the time to work out, I love listening to a good book! Usually, in the off season, I tag along to the gym with the kids for treadmill and bike time. In season, I keep weights all around the house and just put in a few minutes here and there throughout the day. Professionally, I want to do more with my real estate and that is now more of a priority because I am slowly but surely making the time to grow and expand.
I believe it is easy to get lost in the fast pace of daily routines, especially if you are a parent. Don’t mistake my words, I firmly believe the kids are the priority and teaching them, being there for them, supporting them and raising them to be amazing people is the most important thing. I, just at this point in my life, feel the need to not lose myself in the process is becoming just as important. It is kinda one of those things where the feeling of damned if you do and damned if you don’t is in place. Kids need a solid foundation, they need their parents in their corner teaching them, looking out for them, etc. But, as a parent, I need to be better organized and more dedicated to my personal goals and well being.
Sometimes, I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman staring back at me.
Is It Possible to Be A Great Parent adn Still Be Great to Myself?
This is what, now at age 49, I am struggling with. I guess it was about two years ago I realized I have completely lost myself personally and professionally. As a parent, I am on top of the world in my opinion. I have raised four amazing kids. My daughter has graduated from LSU with a dual degree, magna cum laude in both, a National Championship with women’s basketball and is headed to law school for sports law. My oldest son played baseball for 3 years at LSU, won a National Championship and was drafted by the Orioles, son number two is committed to Chatt State for baseball and son number three is undecided where he will continue his baseball career as he is only a junior in high school at this time. Maybe it is due to them pushing closer to being on their own that I am engulfed in thoughts wondering who I am. I would definitely say that is my biggest challenge, struggle, obstacle at this point in my life.
How Do I Put Myself First?
I am currently in my third year trying to figure this out! BUT, this year I have had the biggest steps forward. 1. I am working on myself everyday – making time for me to exercise, set goals, read, journal. 2. Professionally, I redid my website, social media, started this blog! Some days are more successful than others, I will be honest. I think the biggest challenge is this blog. I am an EXTREMELY personal person. I was encouraged as a child (around 4th grade) by my therapist to keep a journal/diary. I had a red Hello Kitty diary with a lock and key on it. I wrote in it daily to help myself through the tie I was experiencing until one day I could not find it and when I did find it, the lock had been cut off and my sister (who is 3 years younger than me) was laughing at me becasue she had taken my diary to school adn read it to everyone. I was then told by her and my parents that I should never put anything in writing that I don’t want the world to read and I never have since then! So, when I say this is a big deal, this is a BIG DEAL! But, I figure the best way to get through what I am feeling is to write my thoughts and feelings down and share them. I honestly doubt anyone will read this but if by chance someone does, I hope they find it helpful!
Putting myself first is something I have never ever done and it does feel very strange. I have created a “bucket list” of things I have never done that I am ready to start checking off. I have found that over the years I hvae become so internal that being in large crowds give me severe anxiety! I believe one of the things that has driven me to this point is people thinking they know me when really they don’t. They know of me and they know what people have said about me, but they do not know me. In my thought process, there is nothing worse than someone being introduced to me and their response is, “I know exactly who you are, I know all about you and all about your family” UGHHHHH, I just want to run and hide when that is said to me to be honest! BUT, that conversation is for another post!
If you are here, thank you! I am going to be as open and honest as I can. This is my journey in rediscovering who I am and while I probably should have a therapist, I just have my blog. This si my journey on putting me first and still being a bad ass mom at the same time! Buckle up, when you are shot gun with me..the only guarantee is it will be one hell of a ride!